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sayang (2021)

from 2018 - 2023 by nak

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I've got a black
Footlocker locked up in my closet
It's topped off with sentimental objects
Nostalgia sets within this mental process
A little calm when life don't settle often
I see invitations to my birthdays
Faded pictures from a first date
Exotic souvenirs and postcards
From my father since he left the boatyard
I collected rocks since elementary
A message that my bestie sent to me
Matching bracelets with my next of kin
And letters from a lover- Hester Prynne
An aging book with flowers in its pages
Maybe placed them there to make a flat arrangement
Yeah, the years will press and fade the saturation
But we'll never fail, we're only graduating

So call me sentimental, yeah probably
But this is my philosophy
Mom and dad were handed poverty
So they taught me not to waste
They would always say...
Yeah, probably
But this is more like my philosophy
From planting crops and livestock to eat
So they taught me never waste
They would always say

Momma never threw away nothing
Poppa never had the luxury
Means that "it's a shame to let it go to waste"
but now I'm just afraid to throw away
the things that shouldn't stay
I'm afraid to throw away what shouldn't stay

But something's feeling wrong, it bothers me
I think I'm haunted, yeah I've got to be
Remember crying on my birthday
Seeing my girl crying in the worst way
We used to gather on the holidays
But celebrating days don't come around as usual
We make excuses, plenty "not todays"
But now I only see my family at funerals
I find it funny back in high school
People come and go like the tides do
Used to get together at the park at six
But when we left, we haven't seen each other since
And when my father left, I felt abandonment
"What if his ship don't get to land again?"
If all the rocks that I collected since a little one
Could talk they'd say my heart was turning into one
It started with a pocket, grew into a box
One turned into two, two became a closet
All my problems working out in therapy
I should have thrown away but now I carry with me
It's hard to get a grip when life's a changing essence
Made a mess, but likely never make amends with
Dropped em' in a box and hope that I forget them
But I won't let it all go

Means that "it's a shame to let it go to waste"
but now I'm just afraid
Means that "it's a shame to let it go to waste"
but now I'm just afraid
Afraid to throw away what shouldn't stay
I want to let it all go
Afraid to throw away what shouldn't stay
I want to let it all go

We started from the farm made it to the states
Banquets and the cake, always saying grace
Grandma used to say (the) rice up on my plate
Would cry if I don't eat so I would never waste
Mercedes with the lease, we don't see the need
As long as we can reach "A" to "Point B's"
All the whips are Japanese, the model's obsolete
But we won't ditch the keys until the Second Coming
Appliances defective, fridge with no convection
TV, no reception- VCR might work though
Swimming pool is empty, rows of pointless fences
Nesting in possessions, decades of collecting
Skeletons in closets, shame and sinful causes
Pain we kept and bottled, secrets only I know
We learned to never waste, to never throw away

But now I can't escape the things I should forsake.


from 2018 - 2023, track released October 27, 2021
Produced by GC
Artwork by Dean Moriarty
Mixed by Martin Kano


all rights reserved



nak California

Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.

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