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Heartmelt (feat. Sam Ock)

from ashley court (2017) by nak

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There used to be “season” when I made “mountainous" poems

“Change came to ‘climate (climb it)’ snow bounced in a moment

Used to pen quotes the sun choked on a shadow 

The room is dark and empty now I “write vocals to candles"

A “pilot” of “fly” rapping the cabin pressure is stable

Climb in that horizon to kiss the mouth of a rainbow (they know)

It’s been a minute since I “made out” with a lyric

I guess I lost the passion that I once had to begin with (it's all "tongue in/ and cheek")

This kissing ain’t as frequent

My pride had gone colossal now it’s wading in the deep end

“Came to sea” the ocean on a weekend

Waiting for a wave to speak to me but the motion just ain’t as scenic

If beauty in the eye of a beholder, I don’t see it 

If pain be the requirement to shoulder: I don’t need it 

But tell me what is medicine if never do you let it in

Because you don’t accept that it would benefit: tell me what’s a lesson
 With lesser of your commitment to listen to what’s objective

And measure by your opinion? Imagine what you’re missing

I rap to show you all a better method

But couldn’t stop the reckless progression of all your deafness

Beg for your attention like infection in systemic

A reverend peddling every message of repentance

I remember when there used to be a good intention

Behind all this aggressive expression but I forget and

Can’t remember the last I was inspired

Sang, dance, wept, and laughed around the fire

When deep within my chest; just a mess of pessimism

A pile of scrap iron, and defective mechanisms. And I don’t see the point 
 Now that everyone’s an artist with a similar background

Dozen other Filipino cats who rap now 

Tell me what’s the purpose of perspective and context

When there isn’t any truth in the content?

If I went away

It would be the same

Nothing here would change
 Floating down this passing river
 If I drift away

Would you sail for me
 Help me find a way
 To make me try again

I guess I’m too old for the young kids to relate to

You too young for the old heads to embrace you

Your past ain’t got enough scars to be a victim

Hardly “Christ” when you rap, you ain’t a Christian

You're really not Asian. Your more closer to Latin

You ain’t Filipino if you don’t speak the language

(You) don’t got success if you don’t got the practice

Get a job and stop all your rapping

Trapped in- passion ain’t congruent

With all these stupid things that will amuse you

It’s petty my identity hurts, harms, abuses you

I ‘guess we all playing “dress up.” Yet we choose to

And this is my confusion: approval is a costume

Don it for the sake everybody but not you. Sometimes you got to

How far’s the fall you can’t see the distance

The only “take away” is you can’t see the “difference”

“Who is this?” I inch a little nearer

The image that exists within the mirror. Appearance getting clearer

I see him now he’s trying cross through; he whispered with a melancholy view: “I’m not you”

You know the feeling when you sacrifice it all

Just to find a single solitary place to feel involved

No matter how hard you’re struggling to belong

The rumbling in your heart is strumming a different song?

Unique love, unheard of: a mystery in that sweetness

Completing all this peace in the symphony where that beat is

For the first time, I see clearly: wide open I see stars 

Crescendo and rise up, I fly over to greet Mars

And I don’t want to wrestle with peace

By projecting all the things that you’re expecting of me
 And I don’t even know what it means

But I’m trying be everything that I’m destined to be

If I went away

It would be the same

Nothing here would change
 Floating down this passing river
 If I drift away

Would you sail for me
 Help me find a way
 To make me try again


from ashley court (2017), released January 1, 2017




nak California

Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.

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